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Name: Adam Volle
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This Blog's Origin, Or How To Write For Townhall.com

I've always been something of a connoisseur of the op-ed, and the conservative opinion piece in particular.

My father was and is a practically archetypal Republican, so the path of my initiation into modern-day Republican literature is fairly easy to trace.  I heard Rush Limbaugh on the radio a lot around the house, then I found his books lying around.  Then I found similar books sitting in the same section of the bookstore and those authors in the op-ed sections of my newspaper.  QED.  

By the tender age of 15 I'd voluntarily taken upon myself a daily reading list that included practically every major Republican name with a national opinion column – and just like you, I found them all conveniently collected for my daily perusal at Townhall.com, still so far as I know the preeminent clearinghouse on the internet for conservative messages (not that I am looking). Daily columns, cartoons, podcasts, pictures of Ann Coulter back when she was attractive, FOX stuff… It’s all there.

Here’s the thing: when I eventually went cold turkey on this extremely addictive website and stopped reading Townhall.com for a good five years, it wasn’t because I’d jumped over to the Libertarian position. I didn’t do that until years later. 

No, I quit reading Townhall.com’s columnists out of boredom.

On a visit a few months back I tried to explain this to my father, said: “Listen, maybe it’s just that I have a Bachelor’s in the English language, for which you paid by the way and I am grateful, or maybe it’s that the similarities between all of those articles become more apparent to you when you read as many of them as I did on a daily basis. But they’re all the same, Dad. There’s little difference in style, still less in formula, and either one of us could very likely guess the opinion of any one of them on any given issue at any time. Really, it’s hack work, and if they’re not ghost-written they should be, because I could write them easy.”

“I don’t think you could do what they do,” my father patiently replied. No doubt he simply thought his son’s ego was once again getting ahead of his actual abilities, which admittedly has been known to occur.

But y’know what? I can.  In fact I think a lot of people can (just read some of the other user blogs on Townhall - some of them, like Have Gun Will Vote's, are pitch-perfect, if unpolished).  And just as a writing exercise one day before starting on what I high-falutin’ly refer to as my “serious work”, I churned out a conservative op-ed I felt measured up just fine to what you typically see at Townhall.  It only took about ninety minutes. I plan to “forward” it to my father this week with a pseudonymous byline (I'll be "Kris Paulson"; "Christopher" is my first and unused name, while "Paul" is my father's) and see if he can, to use a well-known phrase, taste the difference.

Here it is:

How Democrats Can Fix Our Health Care System

 

There’s a fairly easy way to tell whether someone’s offer to help you is truly altruistic or has ulterior motivations: just decline the offer and see if your would-be do-gooder accepts your rejection.  For instance, if you’re a woman carrying groceries to your home and a man resolutely demands he bring them inside for you, it’s time to shout for help.

 

The Democrats’ recent refusal to listen to the millions of Americans who have made it abundantly clear they want nothing to do with government-mandated health care clearly fails this test.  President Obama, Sen. Harry Reid, and Rep. Nancy Pelosi aren’t just determined to present every American with the choice of purchasing health insurance; all of them want to fine you if you make the wrong decision, the tune o’ $950 if you’re just you and up to $3,800 if you’ve got the the wife and kids.  I ask you: what could be the rationale behind making this threat?  If the Democratic Party can successfully lead all the horses of America to water, why force the ones that aren’t thirsty to drink?

 

And for that matter, why insist on American tax dollars funding this expensive program – especially with the national debt as high as it already is – when the Democratic Party itself already has the power to fix our entire system?

 

All the Democratic Party has to do is enter the health insurance market.

 

No, really:  According to our would-be rescuers, the problem is that greedy health insurers are jipping us, right?  And also not accepting those of us with preexisting conditions, the jackals!  Well then, let the Democratic Party establish its own non-profit insurer – let’s call it the “Democratic Health Company”, or D.H.C. - devoted to taking on anybody and everybody wanting coverage at rock-bottom rates.

 

This should be easy.  After all, the Party already has a list of 72 million customers (their registered voters) who want the product, right?  Most companies would shed blood for a database like that.  One e-mail to everybody on the list and D.H.C. could rival BlueCross BlueShield right out of the starting gate. 

 

As for getting the money to start this ball rolling?  Are you kidding?  This is the same organization that raised nearly a billion dollars for the last election.  For a noble undertaking such as this they could probably raise more. 

 

It would be great to see the D.H.C. really show all of our current money-grubbing insurance providers what it really means to care for others – and best of all, its entry into the market would force those sons of guns to compete by making the same offers!  So everybody would end up with affordable health insurance, without anybody having a plan pushed on them they don’t want.

 

Boy, if the Democrats only cared enough about me to make a no-strings offer like that, then shoot - I’d have to put them into every local, state, and federal office for which I have a vote. 

 

But they don’t, do they?  If I say no, they threaten me.

 

HELP!

 

 

This was fun to do.

In fact I found slammin' out this archetypal 500-word piece so fun that I’ve decided to write a short series on what I will call the art form of it - the rules, the vocabulary, who's good at it and who's not, why it's effective and whether they actually inform us or just condition us.  And because Rabbi Jesus advised us to go where the sinners are – an idea revealing of His divine understanding of marketing – I’ve opened up this blog at Townhall.com itself to feature it, instead of just posting it on Minorthoughts.com, my usual haunt.

Here's hoping you enjoy.  Or are totally infuriated.  I'll take either one.


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A Varied Diet Is Good For You (Or, Stop Reading So Many Conservative Pundits)

 If you’re reading this, odds are you’re not a very informed person.

Forgive me, but it has to be said by somebody.

And I say it, if it makes any difference, as a man who grew up listening to Rush Limbaugh, at least until his father discovered any number of other talk radio hosts who quickly followed in El Rushbo’s historic wake, and who by my sophomore year in high school did not end a day without absorbing every new column published by Townhall.com’s elite assemblage of conservative pundits.

Over a decade later I still read and listen to them, too - they’re just not all I read and listen to.

Today I also listen to podcasts from Dan Carlin, a moderate.  And also broadcasts from Air America, which isn’t.  Books I’ve recently read: Barbara Ehrenreich’s Nickeled and Dimed and Hillary Clinton’s autobiography.        

All of this is good.

For all the intuitive understanding today’s conservatives possess of the marketplace and specifically the wonderfully-termed marketplace of ideas, they tend not to bother shopping around in it.  Six or seven years ago I certainly never did.  What information I needed to know from the books, articles, and videos of my political opponents I learned from quoted excerpts within my own, much friendlier reading material, which handily came with ready rebuttals to all of their points. 

That I had encased myself within a bubble of groupthink, one no less Orwellian than that which envelopes our universities, did not occur to me until late in college, when in my zeal to become the most effective culture warrior I could be I decided to start reading the works of my enemies; I wanted to be a Christian apologist and writer, so I started by putting away Norman L. Geisler, Lee Strobel, and other “defenders of the faith” and instead reading alternative commentaries on the Tanakh by moder-day Jewish scribes like Gunther W. Plaut and Dennis Prager, after which I graduated to the atheist treatments of Dr. Robert M. Price and the full-bore counter-apologists we all know so well: Richard Dawkins, Christopher Hitchens, Sam Harris, et al. 

I liken the effect of this expanded reading list to having eaten only American hamburgers for most of my life and then discovering ethnic food exists.  The variety and richness of thought I encountered, even though I disagreed with a lot of it, was intoxicating – and yes, I started coming across arguments against Biblical inerrancy and various Christian values that C.S. Lewis, Norman L. Geisler, and the rest never mentioned to me.  For the first time in my life I was truly being challenged, and only the opinions I truly deserved to have survived this refiner’s fire.

Naturally, I soon enough applied the same approach to my politics, and now – well, now I’m in a place I’d never thought I’d be.  Which is scary, but also very exciting.      

There’s little practical difference between living in a one-party state where you are constantly brainwashed and living in a two-party state where you are constantly conditioning yourself.  Don’t waste the blessing you’ve been given of living in one of the few countries on Earth where you really can explore every point of view.  It’s too rare a gift and it’s dishonest.

Take a break today from Townhall.com.  Hell, take a week off.  It’s not like you don’t know what all of these people think about everything anyway.  Instead, jump over to a Libertarian website (they half-agree with you!  Good place to start!), or even a Democrat one if you’re brave enough.  Then when you return to the discussions here, at least you’ll have a unique voice, as opposed to being just another Republican repeating the exact same points from the exact same sources that everyone else is repeating.

Become informed.

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